Foul

You did me wrong
I wrote a song
The sparks were gone
I put up, I held on
I did you wrong
You sold a song
The sparks were gone
You then moved on

Please love me.

Please love me,
For I'll be right next to you at 3am
when you wake up from a nightmare
Please love me,
For I'll hold your hands tight
when the world is crumbling around our feet
Please love me,
Love me , love me.
Love me like a flower blooms
on the first day of spring
Love me like a child
chasing after an ice cream truck
at the park tirelessly
Please love me,
Love me like you'll die tonight.

Anyone can suffer from mental illness.

Having to deal with depression and anxiety or any mental illness in general in a place full of ignorance who view mental health issue as a simple craziness or laziness is extremely difficult.  This is because society in general has stereotyped views about mental illness and how it affects people. Many people believe that mentally ill are violent and dangerous, when in fact we are more at risk of being attacked or harming ourselves than harming other people.
"Mental illness" Two words that cause people to cast judgement  or turn away. Especially here, in Indonesia, thousands of mentally ill individuals are in chains. It's a place where some still view the mentally ill as lacking in faith or being possessed by demons. Families will consult with local shamans instead of doctors, or hire religious leaders to conduct exorcisms to clean the curses and demons from the spirits of the mentally ill.
I am beyond tired of hearing people call out the mentally ill individuals , and bluntly tell us to get over it, or just simply "have faith".
Not to mention that it's so difficult to go and ask for professional help because majority of people will most likely judge and it's just not at all helping.
Someone who suffers from depression is sometimes seen as a normal and happy person. They don't reach out because they are aware of what people are most likely going to tell them, and suicide seems to be the only way to overcome their distress. What I am going to say is, that if you by any chances see someone suffering from any form of depressions, or is in need of extra love, please be kind to them. If they tell you they're depressed, tell them it's okay to feel what they're feeling, it's okay to feel not okay, it's okay to seek for help and tell them that it will not last forever, even if it doesn't feel that way. Tell them to hang in there for a little bit longer and be there for them. Never call them out for complaining, you'll never know how hard it is for them to be tough and not to end their lives.

New year new me

So many people I met last year
Everything wasn't going so well
Not even a day I survived
Days have passed

Hold me close
Emptiness is killing
Lord is watching
People are dying

INNOCENT KISS : CHAPTER 2

That was so intense , i was completely engaged with his face, lips , body , and mind. “What’s wrong with me?”,  i kept asking myself as he began bitting my lower lip, gently suck on it that i couldn’t deny it felt so good. 

He stopped for a second and smiled, while i was still in shock. It didn’t take long until i had another crazy desire to kiss him again , and i did. I started to love thrusting my lips against a pair of soft thin lips of his, i slowly put my hands on his face, caressing every inches of it. 

I could see how much he loved it , i caressed the back of his head , pulled him closer , sucked and nibbled on his bottom lip, he took a second to stopped, pulled himself off and moaned my name. What?

Yes , he moaned my name and that was cute , in a way that it turned me on even more. I looked at him and smiled, and out of the blue thought that i should do something more, “ i want more!”, my inner succubus shouted.Sparks of desire light up in my stomach, and the kiss got deeper. His hands moved down from my neck to my waist and my body arched towards him, i didn’t pull away, i enjoyed the kiss.

We spent the rest of the day with each others, neither of us expected today would turn out this way. His mind was blown away by my kisses , while mine was challenged to step up the game , forget about the world and do whatever i want. Yet , i felt the guilt sink deep in my stomach and it made my moral compass spin in ways it never has. "What have i done?" i had to keep questioning my moral throughout the trip back home , and on the other hand he sat right next to me, peacefully driving his car like nothing happened. [to be continued]

POEM : [untitled]

What she got, everything i want
And yes it is one
I kiss the dark room
She got him a home
I cuddle with sadness
Stealing her happiness
Of her I'm envious
What she got is precious
I want to be her
Become his only amber

INNOCENT KISS : CHAPTER 1

It all started when we bet , and i lost it. He began mumbling about all his crazy ideas on how we should spend the rest of the day. He didn't mention about the bet , not even a second. As i started looking around, i realized that he was going somewhere i know about. I thought that he was just messing around , but he really did stop by a hotel. I realized that I didn't have many options, so i decided to just go with it. Fearful thoughts crossed my mind…"what if he rapes me, chops me up, and leaves me here to rot and no one will know?"
I don't know what possessed me , i didn't say no when he asked me to come over his room. Everything went really quick that i don't remember any parts before he started putting his arms around my waist from behind. I turned around and quickly pushed him away saying , "whoa.. what are you doing?"
He smiled and pulled me close. He whispered, "you bet me a kiss, now it's the time" .
I turned around trying to escape but he was strong enough to grab me, put me in the bed and pinned me down. I thought that i had to get this done really quick so i could be set free and go home. I kissed him, pushed my lips against his and then pulled myself away. "You hurt my nose", he said.
"That's not how you kiss", then he leaned in and kissed my lips gently. I freaked out, Yet I also had this dark, curious desire to kiss him. One innocent kiss…how much harm can it do?
So i kissed him back, even more mischievously with the tongue involved.
[To be continued]

Chapter 2